I recently watched a reality show about a female musician whose life seemed perfect – she’s a star on the Gram, she’s beautiful, her body is banging and most of all, she’s been trending on the ‘black girl power’ train.
But a sneak peek into a tough conversation she had with her mother over pouring tears and flying Gucci handbags made me stop and think a little more about my own life, and life generally as a millennial.
Amara La Negra, black Latina superstar was telling her mother that she’s tired of faking a life that she doesn’t have to the public eye.
From an outsider’s perspective, she’s got it all goooooing. I mean heck, she even had her millionaire friend fighting for her. Everybody wants to jump on the ALN (Amara La Negra) bandwagon. But she’s unfortunately not looking for passengers.
That’s cos she can only handle one passenger at a time, and the only one she can bear to carry is herself.
“Your cup runneth over. What comes out of the cup is for others… What’s in the cup is for you… Just don’t confuse the two.” – Iyanla Vanzant.
Watching ALN cry lit a bulb in my mind. I literally experienced an ‘Aha!’ moment, that last year was a peer-pressure loaded one for me. I was so hell bent on flowing with the wave and FOMO and looking cool, that I failed to realize that I was spending too much money doing what all millennials do: hang out with the same people and burn otherwise savable-money on the same things.
It’s no lie that we’re a microwave generation.
We covet things instantly and are unwilling to take time to work on what we really want. We want the money. And some more. And more of that.
It doesn’t help that the craze is everywhere; skinny girls desire to be thick and thick girls fancy cellulite free skinny-girl-skin. Young boys want big money and cars and older men crave the youthfulness that young guys detest.
Going through your quarter-life crisis makes you realize that shit has hit the fan.
Oh! You guys are going for pizza? Oh yeah, lemme tag along!
Or Oh, I just happened to be in your hood, si you chomoka I derail you a bit we go for one-two rounds?
The madness of going-with-the-flow needs to be halted. Until after you get your life in order: finances, goals, achievements, the whole lot. Thinking past immediate desires isn’t just wise, it’s vision.
Now you have bills that you MUST pay; dreams that you MUST achieve, people that you MUST leave in the past; relationships that MUST be dealt with; plans that MUST be cancelled; work that MUST be delivered.
There are no more excuses to being sloppy.
You’ll also realize that friendships are more glamorized than they should, and instead of feeling guilty that you’ve been accused of being SELFISH with your time, you realize that you become SELF-FULL. You prefer spending that same time helping your mum do her grocery shopping than turn up with your friends; or become strong enough to end that relationship you had hoped was the one, but the red flags were waving too high up.
You’ll also never get it right. And that’s perfectly fine. What you need to do, is to just get started.
Kuteseka ni kwa muda tu.
For now; keep your head high and focus on keeping the MAIN THING; the MAIN THING.